Christmas Expectations

This gift giving holiday will be quite interesting this year. My son will be 14 months old. He may not understand all the rituals and festivities that take place during this time for a while, but he will understand receiving.

This past summer when he was only 9 months old, he quickly caught on that when someone stood in my parent's kitchen at the butcher's block, he was going to get fed. There were times when we were there just to prep dinner, but he came running because he was expecting to receiving something.

So with the holiday season upon us, Hubby and I began to reevaluate how we wanted to deal with this massive gift giving season. We wondered if too many gifts would make a difference at this age or if we need to set the tone now for the future. We needed to make a decision on quantity and type of gifts and hope this would trickle down to other holidays and birthdays.  I don't buy into all marketing schemes that our child needs a certain type of toy or electronic or they will intellectually suffer. Nor do I succumb to the pressure that I must spend a certain amount of money to make the season bright. Have you seen the articles on "How to keep Christmas gifts under $1000"? Seriously, folks? I have a better use of my money than to shove thousands into one day.

Then we pondered on who would this gift modification decision effect the most. We can certainly modify and slim down our gifts to our children, but we aren't the problem. After a while it dawned on us that the grandparents were the ones to blame! Grandparents and family would buy so much without regards to much of anything. I actually had to tell someone that my 12 month old son doesn't need his own tablet. Their argument was supporting the fact that he can watch Elmo whenever he wants. This is an example where setting expectations early would be beneficial as I won't have to explain myself as I returned a $500 tablet.

Gifts from one baby shower

This is what Hubby and I came up with:

The 3 Gift Max Rule.
We asked the grandparents to keep the gifts at a max of three. We explained to them that this does not mean shove as much as possible in three boxes. (A certain grandparent sent over 10 outfits in one box last year, so it's a must to explain this.) We explained to them that quality means so much more than quantity. Some of these baby outfits are a joke in how they are stitched. And don't get me started on the brightly colored plastic toys for babies. Bright colored doesn't mean better.

Also, we have actually had to put a size restriction on toys this year. We will not accept large ride on or climb on toys due to a 9 foot long birthday gift that surprisingly arrived. We live above people and I respect those that live around me.

Experience Life
Experiences and activities mean so much to children. I can only remember a few Christmas gifts from childhood, but I remember every club I was a member of, every play I attended downtown and every trip we ever took. I want family to understand that children like toys, but after a relatively short period (say a month?) the majority of these items are ignored. We want to encourage family and friends to think of activities that get our children out and about rather than indoors. Instead of sending a $20 toy, send a $20 gift card to a movie theater or $20 soccer cleats for his first team sport.

Follow the Yellow Brick Road
Regardless the color of the road we are on, our children will one day be teens then adults. We are encouraging our loved ones to be brave and be the one that gives them a share in a company or a bond certificate on their behalf. Trust me, they will love it and treasure it much more than that faux fur hoodie you gave them years prior.

Just a little time together
I lived in the Midwest as a child and ALL my family members lived on the east coast. We spent every school break possible on the east coast. Spending time with them was the best gift I could have ever asked for. Since we are still in the Midwest (sadly future away from family) and our families are spread out even more, it's really important to us that our son's gifts include spending time together with them.

Make it Work for you
Are you reading this and probably thinking of a hundred complaints that you and your family might have with these 'rules'? The thing is, you have to put your foot down sometime. These expectations fit us, so define the ones that fit your family. My hubby is one of 18 first cousins on one side of his family. They didnt get birthday nor Christmas gifts from their grandparents each year. That would be extremely expensive for an elderly person. So the 'rule' set by the grandparents was no gifts after a certain age. That 'rule' would not have fit my family. There are only 4 grandchildren on one side of my family, so it has been much easier on my grandparent's wallet.

Once you define your Holiday expectations, explain yourself once and be prepared to send things back. I explained to a family member that I'm not afraid to send anything back to the store. They doubted and challenged me until they realized that the outrageous birthday toy went back. If you don't stand your ground or you don't set expectations, you have opened the flood gates for all kinds of things. Are you ok with someone buying your children all the items you said no to?

Another popular counter argument that I have heard is "You cant tell me what to buy!" When someone gets married or have a baby, they create a registry. This is a list of items that they want in their home. If you buy something that is not on that list, it can get returned. Why is it that my home now is open to receive anything and everything just because you are giving it to my child rather than to me? Set the 'rules' and refer to it as your family's gift registry.  It will reduce the chaos.

Now that Christmas has come and gone, before I headed to bed I glances over at our tree. Baby E received 6 toys, and a hand full of books. Not too bad considering how many families sent their love this holiday season. Next year the holidays will hopefully be filled with more outings and less single use toys.

I hope your season will continue to be bright!
From Maruki